Feline Physics

1 - Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

2 - Law of Cat Motion. A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism. All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics. Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching. A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping. All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7 - Law of Cat Elongation. A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration. A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance. Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 - Law of Rug Configuration. No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

11 - Law of Obedience Resistance. A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

12 - First Law of Energy Conservation. Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation. Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation. If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction. Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking. A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy. All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment. A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

19 - Law of Milk Consumption. A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement. A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

21 - Law of Cat Landing. A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

22 - Law of Fluid Displacement. A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

23 - Law of Cat Disinterest. A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

24 - Law of Pill Rejection. Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

25 - Law of Cat Composition. A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

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