If Dogs Ran the Elections

16> Vote tabulation has to be restarted every time someone spots a squirrel.
15> Lots of growling whenever someone mentions that Gore is a vet.
14> Although not on the ballot, Perot still lands 100% of "yappy little dog vote."
13> "What's that, Lassie? You say Grandpa Tim might have accidentally voted for Buchanan? Good catch, girl!"
12> Debates preceded by a few minutes sniffing Jim Lehrer's ass.
11> Entire election thrown into chaos when it's alleged that thousands of voters *appeared* to throw ballots into box but actually just hid them behind their backs.
10> Voters even more easily distracted by butterfly ballots.
9> Before the hand recount, Ralph Nader caught rubbing bacon grease next to his name on all the ballots.
8> Spaying and neutering drastically reduces number of pregnant chads.
7> "Exit Polling" just a fancy name for butt sniffing.
6> In Pit Bull County, hand counts are taken literally.
5> "Mr. Candidate, please respond to the question: Do you wanna go to the park? Huh? Huh? Wanna catch the ball?"
4> No difference at all: Either way, you end up with a steaming pile of democracy!
3> Looking for an edge, Al Gore changes his name to Al Po.
2> "And if you elect me president, I promise to execute Mariah Carey."
1> Palm Beach ballots confusing? Time to put grandma to sleep.

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