Dog Haikus

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts-I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad-she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence-why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more -I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic- I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.

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